Mock Intervention For A Husky Fan

Caution: This is a mock intervention letter to my father-in-law. Despite him loving the Huskies, his addiction to them is not at all unhealthy and this is done entirely in jest.

Your addiction to the UConn Huskies has affected our relationship in the following ways:

1. I cannot have a conversation with you that doesn't eventually involve the names, heights, weights, positions, and coaches comments regarding the most recent UConn men's basketball recruits. If I acknowledge the information and redirect the conversation, it only leads you to repeat the aforementioned player information.
   
2. I cannot go into your room without seeing stacks of newspapers and magazines piled floor to ceiling. God forbid our conversation leads you to want to locate the source of your information. Your room has a window. I'd like to see it sometimes.
3. You do not seem to have fun with anyone in the family unless they listen to you discussing UConn or you are actually at a sporting event, not necessarily college basketball, but especially on events like Midnight Madness. The routine is to arrive two or three hours before the game and hang around a few hours afterwards even stopping in the parking lot as the rest of the family tries to inch away to the car, repeating yourself over and over. This behavior that you've sunk into makes everyone around you sad because we love you and want you to get over your addiction. We can't have your Huskies addiction kill you.
4. It hurts me inside to watch you suffer through tight UConn games that go down to the wire and watch you go to the bathroom to ritually shave yourself while shouting down the hallway to ask the rest of the family what's going on. It's killing us all inside watching you slowly kill yourself with this dangerous obsession.
5. Your addiction keeps you from adequately bathing, or in general giving a darn for most everything except Huskies basketball. You don't wear clothing unless it is your work uniform or something with a sports team logo on it. We have contacted the television show What Not To Wear, but they replied that they do makeovers, not miracles.

Please, accept the help offered today so you may have a little extra money from your savings on the satellite bill, less clutter in your room, a little better sense of style, and better hygiene. We all love you. And we know you love the huskies, but can the huskies love you back?